There's no one here yet, but in a few weeks we'll be packed tighter than sardines and hopefully not getting on each other's nerves.

I was paging through old Live For Jersey Shore posts and came across this gem from last August on beach etiquette. With May just around the corner and summer inching ever closer after that, I thought it would be a good time to dust off the old ocean-side manners list that I had such a good time coming up with.

More beach behaviors I find unacceptable:

• Games of catch in inappropriate places: you don’t get to take up huge swaths of sand on the waterfront just because you want to throw a tennis ball around. Take that up to the top of the beach. Also, if you can’t catch and just end up having to chase the ball/Frisbee into crowds of people, it’s probably best to sit that game out.
• People who try to chat while you’re reading: If there’s a book in front of my face, I generally do not wish to be engaged in conversation. The absolute worst is when people ask “Oh, what are you reading?” The cover’s facing you – you tell me! This happened all the time when I checked beach badges. Just show me your badge and be on your way; this isn’t a book club.
• Awkward public displays of affection: Have you ever seen lovebirds canoodling/humping on a beach towel? It’s extremely uncomfortable to watch, particularly because this is the beach and everyone’s barely wearing any clothes. Get a room; no one wants to see any skin-on-skin action in public. (Or at least I don’t, but who knows? These ever-growing lists are really making me out to sound like a cranky old lady.)
• Discarded cigarette butts: I don’t smoke, so maybe I don’t understand, but what is so hard about taking the unsmokable tip of your cancer stick and dropping it in a trash can? My friend Meg, a fellow life-long beach baby, suggested this one and it makes me sad that it even needs to be said. Walking barefoot through sand that’s lousy with little nubs that smokers have sucked on for 20 minutes isn’t exactly the sexiest concept ever. Thereis some good news though: Clean Ocean Action, a nonprofit dedicated to cleaning up New Jersey and New York’s coasts, announced that cigarette butts from No. 1 to No. 2 in their 2009 Dirty Dozen – items most frequently collected during beach clean ups. It’s somewhat akin to being named the second trashiest Real Housewife of New Jersey, but I’ll take it.
• Just because it comes in that size doesn’t mean it should be worn: Another spot-on etiquette suggestion from Meg. Before a recent trip to Punta Cana, I dieted and exercised for weeks to look my best in a cute new turquoise bikini I had bought. I couldn’t help but notice that several of my fellow female beachgoers did not do the same, and yet wore far skimpier suits than I could even fathom wearing. I wasn’t sure if I should salute these Rubenesque ladies for having the confidence to strut their stuff (god knows I could use a little confidence for strutting) or politely suggest that something with more coverage might be more comfortable. This rule also extends to leggings, other spandex and those unfortunate stretchy mesh shirts you see on the boardwalk.

MDW (Memorial Day Weekend, for the uninitiated – better than Christmas for beach kids) isn’t even upon yet so this list is sure to grow. Suggestions are, of course, encouraged. Perhaps we can all make the beaches even more enjoyable – one wayward Nerf ball and chomped-up cigarette butt at a time.