Yeah it feels like bathwater in the summer, but Barnegat Bay is a little chillier than we'd like. Photo courtesy of our dear friend, veteran lifeguard and dedicated Shore videographer Dave. Thanks!

 As we continue to get pummeled by the harshest winter at the Shore in recent memory, it’s hard to imagine a time when the snow will melt and we’ll shed our boots for flipflops, but fear not, Jerseyans – Memorial Day Weekend is 102 days away. (Photo We may not be out of the woods yet (thanks a whole lot, Phil), but we’re a whole lot closer than we were when that Dec. 19 storm dashed procrastinating shoppers dreams and ruined a certain someone’s birthday celebration (what? you say you think I’m still bitter over that? no way!).

 For more snow-tos, visit the APP’s reader galleryfrom the Feb. 6-7 and 9-10 storms. These snowy Shore shots range from beautifully artistic to downright zany – like the snow sculpture of a Camaro and a snapshot of three brave kids plopped into beach chairs wearing their bathing suits.

Before we know it, the sunlight will stretch later into the evening, our favorite seasonal businesses will reopen (anyone else been craving a Colonial Bakery jelly doughnut since October?) and the Barrier Island will reawaken with all the sights, smells and sounds that make summer at the Jersey Shore so sweet.

Until then, here’s a few fun events to keep you motivated as Old Man Winter plans to further assault our summer spirits:

• Mardi Gras Super Saturdayat Jenk’s on Feb. 20. Doors open at 9 p.m., $5 cover after 10. $1 drafts all night and $2 vodka specials from 9-11 p.m. The Nerds will play and the holder of the most beads at the end of the night wins an HDTV. What you must do for said beads was not specified.
• D’Jais Halfway to Summer Party at the Pool at Harrah’s in Atlantic City on Feb. 27. Billed as “the biggest pool party in the middle of winter,” we can’t figure out why this is neither at D’Jais nor at the actual halfway to summer mark, but if you’re into paying $35 to get in and trekking to AC, we’re not going to judge. Full disclosure: I’ve never been to D’Jais and think the Pool smells like, well, a pool.
• Seaside Heights Polar Bear Plunge to raise money for the N.J. Special Olympics on Feb. 27. Those pondering a run into the Atlantic Ocean in February can find some liquid courage and warm sustenance at the Sawmill Cafe with a $3 breakfast buffet and $2 mimosas, bloody Mary’s, screwdrivers and Miller Lite specials from 10-1. A post-plunge party starts at 2 p.m. with music from The VooDudes. If you’re not crazy enough to hop into the frigid sea but want to contribute to the cause, fret not because the Sawmill is donating proceeds to the Specials Olympics.

Because his book of quotations is about to get a little bigger.

One thoughtful soul has compiled the most ridiculous, obnoxious, moronic and downright guid-eriffic utterings of the Jersey Shore’s magnificent seven (or eight, depending on which episode you’re talking about). For the show’s first five episodes, my inner journalist has been itching to jot down the pearls of wisdom these guys spew out but things happen so quickly and then all of a sudden another profoundly idiot thought has been verbalized, leaving the crew’s finest musings unrecorded – or so I thought.

JerseyShoreQuotes.com breaks it down by cast member and by episode so no matter what ridiculous bon mot you’re looking for, you will surely find it. They even select the best quote from each episode, should your brain be too rattled to remember when the hour is up.

Some highlights…

• The Situation: You know what? You are excluded from dinner then, from now on you are excluded from the surf n’ turf night. You are excluded from ravioli night, you are excluded from chicken cutlet night.
• Snooki: I came home when they were putting in the lobsters, I was like yo, are those real? That’s disgusting, I’m a vet tech. Like, I save animals, I don’t kill them.
• Ronnie: Get ready to party, get out there, get filthy, creepy and weird.
• J-WOWW: I left the club early because I didn’t want to cheat on my boyfriend, and I felt like eating ham and drinkin’ water.
• Pauly: She just doesn’t want to feel like a trashbag because she has a boyfriend and she kissed me with her tongue.
• Sammi: This little shrimp thing is like bopping all around, on the circle and like doing her thing, doing backwards flips with her thong hanging out; her whole crotch is in the air.
• Vinny: I hear the music, I start fist-pumping, I start dancing, I’m pulling girls on stage and now.. Vinny came out to play.
• Angelina: I feel like this job is beneath me, I’m a bartender. I do, like, great things.

Obviously some of our friends are more quotable than others. One of my favorites from Episode 5 didn’t make JSQ, but I believe it was Vinny who said, “It might just so happen that my fists will pump in the air. It has nothing to do with New Jersey.” I found it so funny that I wrote it down but then again, I was playing the Jersey Shore drinking game, so who knows what I was thinking?

You can follow Jersey Shore Quotes on Twitter at JSQuotes. The ever-so-helpful JSQ folks also kindly rounded up all the cast members’ Twitters accounts: @ItsTheSituation @MTVDJPaulyD @Sn00ki @JENNIWOWW @vinnygmtv. Well most of them have hit the Twittersphere. Perhaps lovebirds Sammi and Ronnie want to keep their Seaside-spawn romance under wraps?

Our new neighbors

drink with them!

So, it’s been a month since MTV flung us – fist-pumping, kicking and screaming – into the national spotlight. Unless you live under a rock, the controversy swirling around Jersey Shore is inescapable. From UNICO’s claims that the show perpetuates negative stereotypes about Italian-Americans to Shore locals’ Times Square protests, it’s easy to understand why this foul-mouthed, low-brow, pop culture train wreck is ruffling feathers all over the Garden State. As an Italian-American living just three miles north of the Seaside Heights house these hooligans invaded for a month, I thought I was going to be ticked off. I was dreading the show’s premier after seeing the promos.

Instead, I was actually pleasantly surprised at just how much I laughed at the inanity playing out on my television screen. This show is just too ridiculous to hate. It would be too exhausting to come up with a myriad of reasons why this absolute trash is a complete misrepresentation, which of course it is. These guys are hamming it up for the cameras and most of us are happily laughing along. If you’ve caught any of the cast members late night interviews, you can see that they know it’s a big joke and they’re along for the ride. Of course, it’s easy to wish Sammi, Snooki and the gang spent more time following intellectual pursuits, but cumbersome summer reading lists wouldn’t give us such gems as “That’s why I don’t eat frickin lobster or anything. They’re alive when you kill it, that’s frickin disgusting.”

If you have been living under a rock or just can’t be bothered with this nonsense but are teensy bit curious, Gawker Media writer Brian Moylan’s recaps and live blogs are a fantastic way to put it into context. Check out the readers’ comments for extra snark.

I’ve spent most weekends this summer out and about in glorious Seaside Heights and have yet to have a negative run-in with my Italian brethren. (No, I don’t think “guido” isn’t really all that offensive. It’s unfortunate that MTV used it in promos, but there’s no other widely known word to describe our juiced up, gelled out, deep tanned, fist pumping friends. There are far worse Italian slurs in the world.) If you want to find clubbers of this ilk, you have to know where to go and when to go there – Bamboo, apparently Karma (although a cab driver this weekend said no one really ever goes to Karma, present company included), Surf Club on a Sunday afternoon, the DJ room of Osprey. While I think we (regular bar-hoppers and guids alike) can harmoniously co-exist, said cab driver called skunk-haired JWOWW a brat and worse. Guess he wasn’t a fan of her sequined panty-and-fishnet outfits.

Rather than get my pleather miniskirt (or whatever now-ousted Angelina is wearing in the above picture – check out her cankles)  in a bunch, I saw the most recent episode airing on New Year’s Eve as a chance to get the at-home party started. With the help of my boyfriend, brother’s girlfriend, friend from high school and little brother, we created what might be the most comprehensive Jersey Shore drinking game yet. (Obviously, we need a little disclaimer here: if you’re going to play along with booze, be careful!)

Take a sip when:

• A cast member calls someone “bro.”
• A cast member calls another cast member by a nickname.
• A cast member is late for work at the Shore Store.
• A cast member fist-pumps.
• A cast member uses the phrase guido or guidette.
• The crew visits Karma.
• Sammi and Ronnie have a lovers’ spat.
• A cast member refers to being Italian.
• A cast member threatens to leave.
• A cast member insults New Jersey (feel free to hurl expletives at your TV as well).
• The boardwalk skyride is seen.
• The Situation invites random girls to the hot tub.
• Vinny appears onscreen.

Take two sips when:

• Snooki is called Snickers.
• A cast member cheats on his/her significant other.
• JWOWW wears something that would be better suited for a strip club.
• The Situation refers to himself as such.
• Snooki wears a trucker hat, completely oblivious that the trend ended in 2003.
• Cast members tan indoors, rather than on the beach outside their house.
• The cast visits a business you frequent.
• The duck phone quacks.
• The poorly drawn New Jersey outline on the garage door is visible.
• DJ Pauly D refers to the “1s and 2s.”

Drink half a beer when:

• Snooki successfully interacts with a guy. May include kissing him or getting a phone number.
• The cast visits Steaks Unlimited, preferred late-night spot of their predecessor: Tommy Cheeseballs.
• A cast member punches someone.

Finish your beer when:

• A cast member is punched.
• Someone is arrested after a tussle.

We made these up not knowing that Vinny was going to take a starring role in “Just Another Day at the Shore”, but he scored a lot of face time this week. Sorry about that.

Yes, this show will make us the butt of even more jokes. It will probably bring an even larger influx of badly-behaved visitors in the summer. I’ll even go far enough to say that it probably represents what’s so massively wrong with my generation. But, it’s here and it’s not going away. We may as well get in on the joke, or else we’d have a situation on our hands – and it wouldn’t be as hilarious and somewhat endearingly goofy and alarming douchey as the one below.

lovingly borrowed from a Gawker commenter

Check this sneaky little guy out.

An e-mail featuring our feathered friend here recently made the rounds, touting him as Point Pleasant Beach native who robbed a local convenience store. It popped up in my inbox a couple weeks ago and made me chuckle (OK, more like full-on guffaw, but when you’re trapped in an office it’s the little things that count). I forwarded it to my co-workers, friends and family and was all pleased with myself for coming across it.

Supposedly, this crafty seagull sneaks into front door of the store and pulls a bag of Doritos – always Nacho Cheese – off a shelf with his beak, walks out with it and digs in. People have found this so hilarious that they come stand outside and watch. The proprietor is happy because the charlatan’s audience pays for his snack and probably pick up a few things for themselves.

Well, I had to know where in Point this happened so I could see him in action for myself. I hit Google and typed in “seagull stealing chips” and discovered, courtesy of urban legend site Snopes.com, that this happens in Scotland, not here at the Shore.

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South Seaside Park barrel | June 2009 (Photo: Justin Auciello)

Are you ready for Surf Weekend?

No, the Governor has not issued a proclamation. At Live for Jersey Shore, we’re dubbing it Surf Weekend, because today and tomorrow will feature two fun surf related events.

I’ve mapped it out for you.

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